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Qween’s quirky take on types of trainers, types of trained, and everything in between

With growing fitness consciousness- there are gyms mushroomed everywhere. It seems everyone is in the race of fitness. Everyday there is some new equipment, gear, attire, footwear being advertised. Not to mention scores of dieticians, supplement makers, therapists, certified trainers for the latest fad who seem to be cashing in on the latest flavours of the season.

In between HIITs and TABATAS, RUMBA,ZUMBA and SALSA, here is a fun take on various species. Please give it due weightage at your own peril

Types of Trainers

• Sadists- These trainers eat poor students for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Firm believers of “no pain, no gain” they leave no stone unturned in making you feel miserable, and a bojh(weight) on earth in particular and society in general. Stay away from them, and if you cannot aovid one, just make sure you start wheezing, lie on the floor and act like you have fainted half way through the routine. Because if you dare to finish their routine today, remember, tomorrow, the torture will only intensify
• Masochists- These trainers make sure they work out with you or alongside you. They will lift the heaviest of weights while you struggle with your puny 5 pounders, they will make faces akin to being severely constipated trying to find a release and force you to think why doesn’t the floor crashes and you get burrowed deep into it out of shame
• Show-offs- These are the trainers who multitask. They have a skimpy gym gear clad muscled diva at one hand, and a rolly polly Kung Fu panda like figure of yours at the other. While the diva is shown the correct posture, you are made to run around the gym or climb up and down the stairs 20 times. Needless to say, they make you feel down the pits because you can neither do their work out nor can you ever reach that coveted figure

A Gym is incomplete without the trainees, who too have some sub categories- Read on to find yours

• The Zombies- Come hail, rain or storms, these will be found at the gym. They will be first to join that kickboxing class, stand in front, have logs instead of muscles, and will be very very fit. Having conquered their flab, they will behave like queens of the world and will talk about next superfood or next full marathon only
• The Impossibles- These will be seen at the gym around early or late afternoon hours, having fed their laadlas and laadlis oodles of butter on aloo parathas. These women would have choked back some of the leftover paratha into their mouths and will actually look like one fried fluffy pooris after 10 minutes of light walk on treadmills. They will discuss about next kitty party or where to meet for lunch, dressed in lose tees and even loser track pants.
• The Whiners- These are typically women in their 30s, who will congregate at the gym to celebrate the fact that their maids have arrived. While they talk, they will also discuss how a caesarean section and not the ghee laden laddoos they ate post delivery is the root cause of their not being able to loose weight while that air hostess next door had a normal delivery and was “slim-trim” the very next day. They are best suited for trainers to make money, since they are long term clients , they are also a very good catch for dieticians who can keep blaming PCOD, Hypo/Hyper Thyroid, Diabetes, and if nothing else- Genes for their diets not being helpful in losing weight
• The Problem Childs- This category is always pinching the fattest body part, or pointing to one or the other area as their problem area. They only want to do arms as they want them toned up. Never mind the hips which are protruding like a console table from behind. The most problematic area for them is belly fat, and they will always counter with – “I ate only one chapatti/Khakra”.

This piece was written only to bring out and celebrate the quirkiness that we all have but shy away from admitting. Remember- What happens at the gym, stays at the gym!!